One-liners

[SeniorGrom]

Waiter checks in on four Jewish men having lunch at a local restaurant, "Is anything alright gentlemen"?

From Jerry Seinfeld's Commedians in Cars Getting Coffee with Robert Klein.

 

[sightpoint]

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves?

Russell.

 

[pefa]

Accidentally pooped my pants in the elevator.
I'm taking this s#%t to a whole new level.

I named my hard drive "dat ass" so once a month my computer asks if I want to 'back dat ass up'.

Whenever you get mad, just think of a t-rex trying to masturbate.

 

[Benny]

There are 2 types of people in this world: those who can extrapolate from incomplete data

 

[sightpoint]

Benny wrote:

There are 2 types of people in this world: those who can extrapolate from incomplete data

Hahhahaaaaaa good stuff.

 

[Benny]

An engineer, a biologist, and a statistician go deer hunting.

They see a buck, moving through the woods.

The engineer says, "I estimate his speed at .8 meters per second and his distance at 32 meters. Therefore, I need to lead him .4 meters." He shoots and misses ahead of the deer by 1 meter.

The biologist says, "That deer's browsing pattern leads me to believe he prefers fresh tree leaves over the grass shoots he's sniffing, and he's about to stop and reach up for that branch". He shoots and misses behind by 1 meter.

The statistician says "Got him!"

 

[deemce]

Two fish are swimming in a lake. One hits a cement wall and yells ...........,"dam"

 

[Miles]

pefa wrote:

I named my hard drive "dat ass" so once a month my computer asks if I want to 'back dat ass up'.

Attached files

 

[GT]

There are ten kinds of people in this world. Those who understand binary, and those who don’t.

GT

 

[Murph]

"I have enough money to last me the rest of my life... unless I buy something" (Jackie mason)